Can you love weddings and be a feminist?

I adore weddings. I also consider myself a feminist. I never realized that these two facts could be considered problematic or even contradictory until about six months ago when I stumbled upon this Salon.com piece, "Attack of the Feminist Bridezilla!" which chronicles the backlash that Jessica Valenti (founder of Feministing.com) received when she announced that she was getting married last year. Although Valenti planned an extremely politically correct wedding, it still wasn't enough for her critics. On the other side of the issue more conservative women were attacking her for politicizing her wedding and calling her a "feminist bridezilla." You can read Valenti's take on the debacle here.

The idea that a true feminist cannot enjoy weddings (at least not mainstream and conventional weddings) is interesting. I never even thought about the idea of having a feminist wedding. Granted I am not engaged nor do I run a Web site called Feministing.

However I still think the concept of a more socially progressive wedding has legitimate points. I have never wanted to change my name when I get married. I am uncomfortable with the idea of the groom asking the bride's father for "permission" to propose to her because to me, it implies that the father "owns" the woman and is then passing that ownership onto her husband. "Feminist" options that the Salon piece mentions are getting catering and flowers from ethical companies and marrying in a state that legalized same-sex marriage.

While I agree that these are all great ideas I am not sure that they all fall under feminism. What is the implicit connection between ethical companies and feminism? I think they are all socially conscious concepts but I think it might be a mistake to call them all feminism.

Then the argument on the other side seems to be that you could easily have your wedding turn into an empty political statement. It's definitely a fine line. It also raises interesting questions about political versus personal identity and how separate the two can ever truly be.

The pieces have definitely gotten me interested in the origin and meaning behind wedding traditions.

Do you think it's possible to love conventional weddings and still be a feminist?

About Brideism

Brideism is about the sociology, psychology and history behind weddings. It considers mainstream wedding traditions, wedding stereotypes, and cultural and religious wedding norms, along with their place in the 21st century. It also considers unconventional or alternative weddings, "anti-wedding" concepts and current social issues related to weddings. Brideism is a place for wedding news, trends, fashion and articles.